Babysitting

Is there a specific age or grade level that can accurately rate the adeptness of a babysitter?

When my older girls were little, I hired our seventh grade neighbor to babysit for us when we went out.  Seventh grade equals 12 or 13 years old.  I had no problem trusting her with the care and well-being of my four and two year old daughters.  I, myself, started babysitting in seventh grade.  I started out as a mother's helper.  The mom worked from home in a basement office, while I was upstairs with her 2 (and eventually 3) children.  Eventually, I graduated to watching them at night when she would go out to dinner with her husband.

Seventh grade seemed just right to me, but then I started to get to know tweens and teenagers, my own included.  Age does not equal maturity or responsibility.  I have one daughter, who until fairly recently, would only be allowed to babysit if I was sure my other daughter was home too.  Those who know us may be surprised to find out which was the one I was uneasy about. I won't divulge that secret, now that I have two very competent babysitters, both together and on their own.

Recently, a 39 year old mom from New Cannan, Connecticut was arrested for leaving her four children, ages 13, 10, 4, and 1.5, home unattended.  To me, that seems very well attended.  Most 13 year old girls and boys are more than competent to be left home to babysit for their siblings or neighborhood children.  Unfortunately, that was not the case with this girl.  The four year old was able to get out of the house and cross the street to a neighbor's yard.  The neighbor called the police who found the children "home alone."   Upon returning home, the mother was charged with "risk of injury to a minor."

Who is at fault in this situation?  The mother?  The teenager?  The neighbor?  Obviously, the teen was not paying enough attention to her siblings if she did not notice one slip out the door.  Then again, this four year old might be a little escape artist.  Maybe, the mom should look into installing a few locks out of the preschooler's reach.  The neighbor could have taken the child back home and spoken with the teen and her mother when she returned instead of calling the police.

This story could have ended badly.  The child could have gotten hurt, or worse.

A few months ago, there was an episode of "Good Luck, Charlie" where the toddler, Charlie, under the supervision of her older brothers, walks out of the house and visits the neighbor.  The neighbor immediately called the child's father and then played games with the little girl until he arrived to bring her back home. In the end it was all a big joke, everyone laughs, cue the happy music, "Good Luck Charlie!"

Times have definitely changed since I was 13, and children wandering out alone and in the street can lead to many dangerous situations.  Do you think that this mother should be charged with neglect for leaving her 13 year old daughter home to watch her siblings?  At what age do you think someone becomes qualified to babysit?

Postpartum

The postpartum period is an interesting roller coaster ride.  You can be happy one minute and a raving lunatic the next.  I will swear up and down that I am very good when I am pregnant, but I don't know if I can say the same thing about the postpartum period.  I have vague memories of telling my husband to pack a suitcase, as well as a slight recollection of throwing plates.  I hope you won't hold any of that against me.  Please tell me that you also became hormonal messes who did things totally out of character when you were postpartum.

The postpartum period on top of grieving is another thing.  Your hormones are going crazy causing hot flashes and sweating one moment and chills the next.  Your milk comes in and there isn't a baby waiting to be fed.  It's bad enough that you cry at the drop of a hat, but you can't stop crying because you are dealing with the reality of your new title - bereaved parent.

I have a confession to make..  To this day, I do not watch anything on USA Network, which, unfortunately, happens to be my husband's favorite.  We used to watch Burn Notice, Psych, and Royal Pains every week - every week when I was pregnant with Bennett.  For some reason, I associate USA Network and those shows with losing Bennett.  Back in 2010, the new seasons were going to be premiering in June when Bennett was due.  I figured Pierre and I would be curled up on the couch, baby on my chest, watching these shows while I nursed.  Royal Pains was about two brothers - one named Evan.  Every time we watched that show I imagined my two boys, as adults, working together, and being best friends.  When I lost Bennett, I couldn't watch that show again.  At first, I would get vehemently angry with my husband when he watched these shows.  How could he watch a show about two brothers when Evan's brother was dead?  One of the other shows on USA featured an actress (who shall not be named, since I've never been fond of her) who was pregnant at the same time as me and had her baby right around my due date.  Every time I looked at her, I would lose it.  Wouldn't you know that this was my husband's new favorite show.  I couldn't watch anything that had the little USA logo on the right hand corner of the screen.  Just seeing it brought me right back to losing my son.  I still don't enjoy any of those shows, but they don't bring about the same reaction anymore.

Yes, looking back at it now I know I sounded a little bit crazy.  I take that back, I was a lot crazy and totally irrational.  I am very lucky to have a very understanding husband, who deserves to watch whatever he wants on TV tonight.

24 Weeks, 5 Days

Linus was anxious to get here.  He must have known how my empty arms ached since his brothers left me a year before.

Feisty!  The neonatal doctor attending the birth called him feisty.  There was hope.

He was so delicate and fragile at only 1 pound, 8 ounces.  His skin was so thin, it was almost translucent.  I wasn't allowed to pick him up and hold him.  Instead, I was instructed how to place my hands on his small body using a firm touch.  I often wondered if he was crying, but was too weak to make a sound.

Strong!  The nurses said he was strong.  They placed him in his little nest, but he was always struggling to get out.  They used beanbags to hold him in place.  Still, he managed to scoot and move around.

Every day I asked if it was the day I could hold Linus.  Finally, the day came and the sweet nurses helped untangle all of the wires and tubes.  I think he was in my arms for less than 30 seconds before he needed to be put back in his incubator.  He was already over one month old, and it was the first time I was able to kiss the top of his tiny head.

Linus pulled the vent out twice.  Second time was a charm, because he graduated to the CPAP.   The nurses and PA were sweet enough take video and then send it to my phone, so I could finally see my sweet boy's face without anything in the way.

My little escape artist was always on the move.  One day the nurses found him with his head up against the portholes.  They took his picture and framed it for me.

Linus did great with his bottle, and I made sure I was there to feed him at least once a day.  There was never a day that I was not at the NICU - even the day Katie had strep and I was told to stay home.  I drove to the hospital so I could get his laundry and look at him from afar.

I looked forward to the day when the doctor would schedule "the meeting."  When the day came, I could barely contain myself.  We were so close to bringing Linus home.

After passing his car seat test, we were ready to go.  I took in all the noises and smells, but I knew I would never forget.  I could hear those beeps and alarms in my sleep by this point.  The smell of hospital soap brings me right back to sitting next to Linus' bed with my hand stretched through the porthole, resting firmly on his back.

On March 10, our family will join with Graham's Foundation and nearly 13 million other families who have traveled a similar journey to celebrate the Second Annual Parents of Preemies Day.  This day honors the courageous parents and caregivers of these tiny little ones.  Please visit their Facebook page for more information about events in your area and on the web.

Top 5 Oscar Moments of 2013

Top 5 Oscar Moments of 2013 (according to me)

1.  Seeing how excited the kids were to watch the pre-show/awards ceremony.  Never did I think that watching the Oscars would trump Jessie or Austin and Ally!

2.  Calculating the difference in height between Kristen Chenoweth and Adele with my 11 year old.

3.  Receiving my Oscar night gift bag filled with Albuterol, diapers, and forgotten homework assignments.


4. Dragging sleeping children off to bed so then I actually had space on the couch to sit, not that I had the opportunity to watch the show for any extended period of time.


And the highlight of my night:

 5. Actually getting to sit and watch the tribute to the Oscar winning musicals from this decade (Chicago, Dreamgirls, and Les Miserables), thanks to the sleeping children.

Coming off of Hiatus

Time to dust the cobwebs off the blog.  My hiatus is over.  I haven't been spending my free time sitting eating bonbons while getting a mani/pedi. I have been very hard at work on my new website, which should be up and running soon (with a little nagging on my part - the husband is the computer geek in this relationship.)

If you haven't been over to Beyond the Crib over on Facebook, come join the conversation.  When I receive 100 likes, I will randomly select one of my Facebook followers to receive a $10 Target gift card.

Great to see everyone again!  I can't wait to introduce you to my new "baby," Beyond the Crib!