It's beginning to feel like Easter

For the past two years we have not celebrated Easter at home.  Two years ago, on Easter, we opened baskets from the bunny, took pictures of the kids in their Easter finest, and ate dinner at Red Lobster.  I couldn't bring myself to get in the Easter spirit.  Easter was the first holiday after I lost my son.  Just a month and a half after burying him I was supposed to be happy and cheerful; decorating my house with flowers and colored eggs.  I did not want to know it was springtime, see the flowers blooming, or celebrate new life.  I did what I had to for the kids, but I just didn't have it in me to cook a meal and entertain family.  I can't even remember if we went to Easter Mass.  I would like to think we did, but honestly, I can't remember.  

Last Easter, I was newly pregnant with Linus.  By this time I had buried another son and was scared that my new pregnancy would have a similar outcome.  We opened baskets at home and headed out to Mass.  We were a few minutes late and couldn't find a parking spot.  I didn't want to stand outside the opened church doors with the kids in order to listen to the Mass, so we took a trip to the park for pictures.  Then, we had yet another Easter dinner at Red Lobster.  Was this to be our new tradition?  Secretly, I hoped not.  I wanted Easter back.  Could I bring myself to celebrate Easter again?  I told myself that whether or not I was holding a baby next year, I would have to let Easter back into my life.

Today, I took a trip to the grocery store and bought everything I need to prepare Easter dinner.  We have cheese and sausage, a leg of lamb, potatoes, brussel sprouts, and everything I need to make cherry and blueberry pies and cookies.  

While we made some nice memories the past two years, and I have hundreds of pictures of the kids, I am happy to be spending Easter home with the nine loves of my life.  I am looking forward to coloring eggs, decorating the house, and dressing up the little man like a bunny.  

Welcome back, Easter.  I have missed you.